I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
