Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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