It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
