I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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