I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
