you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
