my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
being pregnant is like rehab
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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