I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
