Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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