I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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