I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
