Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
