I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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