well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
