I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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