my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
