I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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