she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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