My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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