I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
