Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
