Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
