i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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