is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
