I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
