can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
