Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I forgot how hot balto sounded
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
