I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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