If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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