He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
