STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
