Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
