So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
