Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
