We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
