There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
