She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
