I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
