WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
