Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
