taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
