So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up under a house in Key West
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
