I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
