I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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