My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
