i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
