I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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