So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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