He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
