It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
