He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
