The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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